The Flawed thinking of a "Retired" Pastor

Another Chance

Instant replays have become old hat.  We now expect them in all televised sports.  It occurred to me the other day that I would really like DELAYED replays of some of the more significant times in my life.  Perhaps the possibility of going back and being given another chance to relive a particular experience that could have been handled differently.  More wisely.  With greater tact or perhaps in better taste.  You know...all those "If-I-had-that-to-do-all-over-again" thoughts.  Unfortunately, life doesn't offer "delayed replays."  Second times around don't happen.  Aren't you glad for God's grace.  We can't rerear our children.  I can't repastor my first church.  Initial impressions can't be remade.  Cutting remarks can't be resaid.  Scars can't be completely removed.  Memories are fixed; not flexible.  "You mean God can't forgive?"  You know better than that.  "And people can't overlook my flaws?"  Of course they can; but that's not the issue at all.  Most people I know are amazingly understanding.  Our biggest task much of the time is forgiving ourselves.  The main message is clear.  Think before you speak.  Pause before you act.  Make every minute count.  Another chance?  To erase what we've already done, not really.  David could be forgiven (and he was); but he couldn't undo his adultery or bring back Uriah's life!  Today is memory in the making.  Let's make it a good one.  Today is tomorrow's yesterday.  How do you want to remember it?

The Other Side of the Coin

A couple of months ago I posted concerning a "broken heart" experience that just kind of took the wind out of my sails.  A student in the school where I teach "blew it" and consequently was expelled.  People into which you have invested will let you down, and this will always be a part of life.  However, today I share the other side of the coin.  I have been privileged to share considerable time over the past few months with a young man whom I have known for years.  We were able to reconnect last year (he, too, is a student at school).  He and I shared in a presentation this morning at my church (mostly him) and I found myself filled with pride and joy at what the Lord is doing in his life.  We have shared a great many hours (including a recent trip to Haiti together).  As a student, he exmplefies why I am doing what I'm doing right now at this stage of my life.  In a mentoring relationship, we share anything and everything.  He wrote one of the forwards in my recent book.  The Lord has a way of balancing things out.  I am encouraged and filled with hope for the future of the church of Jesus Christ with young men like him.  I shared my baggage a couple of months ago.  The Lord told me I needed to share this as well!!

Reality

I had an interesting discussion yesterday with our assistant principal at the school where I teach.  We talked a lot about academia vs. reaching the heart (this was in the context of making our school chapels more relevant this next year.  The older I get, the less excited I am about theory...and the more I care about reality.  Who cares if the stuff that flows from my classroom or my pen or my pulpit stimulates the intellect and gives one fodder for philosophizing?  So what if my words tickle ears and answer questions nobody is asking.  Provocative, relevant, issue-related teaching and writing with enough creativity and honesty to keep the reader reading and the listener listening is what interests me...not much else.  Periodically as I teach, or write, or preach, I do self-evaluations.  Am I in touch?  Does this connect with where people are?  Is this worth mentioning?  Does it scratch an itch?  WILL IT MAKE A DIFFERENCE?  Or, as the old saying goes, am I simply rearranging  the deck chairs on the Titanic?  I continue to pray daily that what I teach and what I write and what I preach WILL make a difference, and whether people think I'm brilliant or not is not relevant!!

Blessings?

I read a statement the other day that stopped me short.  "By accepting the tests and trials and temptations around us as friends, we become men and women of mature character."  Wow!  I have learned (about time) that there is no shortcut, no such thing as instant endurance.  The pain brought on by interruptions and disappointments, by loss and failure, by accidents and disease, is the long and arduous road to maturity.  There really is no other road.  The Phillips translation of scripture says, "When all kinds of trials and tempations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don't resent them as intuders, but welcome the as friends.  Realize that they come to test your faith and to produce in you a quality of endurance.."  (James 1:2-3)  When we have responded as we should to live's blows, enduring them rather than trying to escape them, we are given more maturity that stays with us and new measures of wisdom which we are able to draw upon for the balance of our lives.  Much of the wisdom I've picked up through the years has come through the back door of life when I have leaned out the window and yelled, "Help!"  In my continuing journey through life I have found myself thanking God more and more for those backdoor blessings.

Who Really Knows?

Psalm 139:23  says, "Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts and minister to my churning places."   That last phrase is one that I tacked on, based upon the Hebrew concept of knowing my anxious thoughts.  I know about "churning places."  There have been many seasons in my life where I have experienced many such places.  And even when others around me aren't aware of them, there is One who is.  The heart houses secrets we can never see.  People are awfully good at cover-up...aren't we?  Smiling masks often camouflage breaking hearts.  In our world of superficial talk and casual relationships, it's easy to forget that a smile doesn't necesarily mean "I'm happy" and the courteous answer "I'm fine" may not be at all truthful.  I've lived life long enough to know that many a heart hides agony while the face reflects ecstasy.  There is Someone, however, who fully knows what lurks in our hearts.  Who, indeed, knows?  Our God, alone, knows.  He sympathizes with our weaknesses and forgives all of our transgressions.  To Him there are no secret struggles or silent cries.  He hears.  He sees.  He stays near.  He accepts us and loves us unconditionally.  He truly is "the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort."  He who loves us most knows us best.  And He who knows us best cares the most. 

Not Abandoned!!

This is always a kind of depressing time in my teaching cycle for US History.  We just began the WW 2 unit today and one of the things we'll be discussing at length will be the Holocaust.  We'll be watching the poignant film of a few years ago, "Boy in the Striped Pajamas" and also visiting the Holocaust museum in Skokie.  I've been reflecting on a message I heard yesterday on bad things happening to good people.  I've been thinking about it a lot.  I was lying in bed last night thinking about a story I read years ago about a guy happening upon an old junky car.  You couldn't tell the original color of the vehicle; the rust had been painted over who knows how many times.  The most interesting thing about the car was the bumper sticker"  "THIS IS NOT AN ABANDONED CAR!"  We live in a fallen world.  I am especially reminded of this each year as we discuss Holocaust.  In addition, you can see tragedy and heartache almost everywhere you turn, as I was reminded by the pastor's sermon I heard yesterday.  Only a fool misses the point from the morning headlines that we are sitting on the edge of disaster.  One can be left wondering sometimes if any of life makes any difference.  A long time ago, in a manger, a baby was born.  He was a sign to us (so said the prophets).  His presence read, "THIS IS NOT AN ABANDONED WORLD!!"  We have not been abandoned.  Someday the Owner will return and all the ugliness will be remedied.  There won't be anymore pain, and all the tears will be dried.  He WILL set things right.  It's a promise that drives me every day.

Deep Grief

The past couple of years have been some of the toughest of my life.  My emotions have spanned the spectrum of shock, sorrow, horror, intense anger, betrayal, disillusionment, disappointment, and utter bewilderment.  I have prayed.  I've spent a lot of time in the Psalms, and for a long time it was without much peace.  "How long, O Lord?"  When things happen that we can't understand, grief can wrap its tentacles around you and suck out just about all the life you think you have.  Energy is lacking; rational thinking departs, and at the most unexpected moments, tears well up within.  There was a long time that I couldn't shake it--this deep grief.  About a year ago I read something by the "prince of preachers" as he was called, Charles Spurgeon.  He said, "The lesson of wisdom is, be not dismayed by soul-trouble.  Live by the day, by the hour.  Be not surprised when men fail you; it's a fallen world.  Be content to be nothing, for that is what you are."  The secret to our finishing well when the journey is over is being willing to "take heed" along the way.  The times that come to us must be faced head on, doing whatever is necessary to stand firm.  My Mom used to say to me, "This too shall pass."  And it does.  And it did.  Eyes on Jesus.  The finish line in mind.  Stay the course!  My Lord continues to say to me, "Be faithful."  And I will!!

Teaching Scripture

Do you teach the Bible?  No other calling is more needed or carries with it greater responsibility.  I read an article years ago directed to all of us who teach scripture.  It has been invaluable through the years.

• Study hard
• Pray for insight
• Be accurate with facts
• Be clear in your delivery
• Take your time.  Relive and imagine those scenes
• Try not to blot out the color of the passage
• Guard against running a marathon with only seriousness setting your pace.
• When you happen upon those scenes where the lighter side appears, slow down and call attention to it

One more thing.  I've noticed that those who are free enough to laugh when something is funny are better equipped not to laugh when nothing is funny.  This last little insight is from me and it's free!

Moments

Our lives here are really nothing more than a string of moments, one after another.  And I never want my testimony for Jesus Christ to be shattered by a single moment of indulging the flesh.  I don't want one moment of rage or pride or arrogance to cast a shadow over a lifetime of walking with my Lord.  Frankly, I fear that possibility.  Know what?  I WANT to fear that possibility!  When I stop fearing it, I am in grave danger.  I love David's prayer in Psalm 19:13--"Keep me from deliberate wrongs; help me to stop doing them.  Only then can I be free of guilt and innocent of some great crime."  What a great prayer.  In essence, "Lord, you know my capacity to throw everything over in one fleshly, stupid act.  Keep me from it!  Restrain me.  Guard me from trashing it all in one horrible moment or rage or lust.  If you guard me and keep me, Lord, I'll never have to look back and mourn over committing such a deed."  Amen.

Hope

"Hope is the word that God has written on the brow of every man."  (Victor Hugo)

Hope is why there are therapists and consultants and why the Cubs keep going to spring training.  Pablo Casals continued to practice the cello 5 hours a day even though he was recognized as the world's greatest cellist, even when he had grown old enough that the effort exhausted him.  Someone asked him what made him do it.  "I think I'm getting better," he replied.

William Sloan Coffin wrote - "Hope arouses, as nothing else can arouse, a passion for the possible."  I believe that hope is the parent of faith!!